I asked him on the phone, just out of curiosity, and he told me 'Well.. it's not until like that.' I was speechless. Although it's not a good reason to be upset and dwell and cry for, but maybe because of just that one thing I pondered about, it makes me see beyond this line. Makes me see what's ahead of me and what I should be doing for myself.

I realised I've been sacrificing a lot of me for quite sometimes, I almost gave up what I thought I believed in, just to work things out. However, now I feel like my limits are there, and it's getting there. I will be tired one day. I know it and I'm totally aware of what would happen if things go wrong. In fact, I can clearly know how it feels like, and I know I prepare myself for the worst all the times.

I can't run away from the fact that my relationship changed so much ever since I came here. For the pass 5-almost-6 months in Singapore, our relationship has not been the same like the way I used to love it before. It's sad. It's really sad. Well I could just deny it and always show that I'm happy with him, and when I'm upset I'd write and cry. It happens all the time. But my point here is that: it doesn't feel like before anymore, I am hurt because of what it feels like now.

Despite being in the same country, and knowing that it's a lot easier to make up to things, we just drift apart more sometimes. And last time? This love was so beautiful. And I miss that a lot.

Even now that he's in camp, we don't talk that much anymore, and I don't text him much as I used to during the first 2 weeks. The cycle has changed. And to adapt to it is not an easy thing to do, trust me. Even now that I've more freedom, I still take most of those times living my life thinking about him, he still doesn't trust me. That's the worst part. That is the part I hate the most. That is the part that I am feeling cold, and I am thinking I can stop. That is the part I don't know if I can ever fight for it back.

He doesn't trust me. And he won't know the right things to say, will he?