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trosaa


I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.


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May time heal..
Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's 28th again, another month for us has passed by. Just another 3 months and we could be a 2 year-old couple if we want to. I want to, and I know he does. Yeah, for those same certainty I know we love each other.

But tonight, it's not the monthsary that brings me here. My heart and my mind rush thoughts down to my finger. This is why tonight is different. I have so many things in mind, and for the for the first time I feel afraid to love and be in love. I'm not talking about just Syahmi, but my family, and then yes, my friends... I find myself putting me in the last of the list these days. I have been learning to love myself, and I sure do and am now. But why tonight, I'm asking myself if this is the best part of my life, or it's just another phase..? Or... Who knows, it's the hardest part.

However as I am thinking about this, I know I can pass by this period, this lonely time and this hard time. I am afraid, but I am not afraid to try to not feel afraid. I just realise that I'm growing and things around me are changing. Even my friends are, even my life is... every single thing is. I don't blame nobody, especially God. I am pushing myself to smile and feel blessed as I am.

Time is all I need. Maybe just tonight is the wrong time, without the right people by my side. But time is always there, time never stop.. Soooo.. Hopefully by tomorrow when I open my eyes the first thing in the morning, I will be healed.. And then a miracle for a day will happen?


xoxo

Blank
Wednesday, April 14, 2010

It's been awhile since I blogged. I have been more on twitter 'cause it's faster, and I won't end up in long wordy post and stuff. Ha. So yeah, here I am, being bored yet random but blank. However I just feel like writing something, it's just the vibe and the mood to do so. Hur hur.

It's been a long ride since 2010 started. I believe I've changed pretty much. Lemme try to list a few:

  1. Wear my high heels
  2. Did hair extensions which made me feel so fabulouss~ about myself. Haha
  3. On the verge of becoming an alcoholic but fortunately I cut down!
  4. Finished my Diploma course
  5. Mama's getting married again! :)
  6. Grown a lot from the relationship with Syahmi
  7. Learn to count my blessings (credits to Monica)
  8. Love myself more!

That are the few things that pretty much were the highlights of the years so far. I would like to say the 2 major events of this year will be mom's wedding and my lovely 18th birthday I guess? Lol. But you know, it's just saying but as for my birthday, I don't quite know how it's gonna be and I just feel that it's major so that I can buy cigarrettes without feeling that 'Would they check my IC?' and once you're 18, clubbing with friends will be easier in case impromptu outing happens. Haha. However, I do hope mama's wedding is gonna kick-ass though.

For some strange reasons, I feel that things in my life are pretty much in my control now. I've learnt so many things from my friends, their experiences and what happened around or to us. My family also influences my mind and heart whenever it boils down those phone calls my mom make or Rose calling me, and Mon would always say that I am blessed so count my blessings before I complain about life. Alcan and Allison have been the two person I meet up with most of the times since this year I guess. They talked to me on a different level and yes, I love having them around to share my opinions and jokes and everything. Katie has too shared her stuff and shits that she's going through, which made me feel closer to her now. And for that, I would to say that she and I are Man U hardcore fans man! Haha.

I am very glad that at this point of time, I can feel that I am taking things slow and remind myself that it's all in the mind. It's hard to explain, but just make it short: It's a part of growing up, and I'm learning more each day, and I am not taking any of this for granted, and lastly, I am a better me today.

Things with Syahmi have been up and down. However, because of all the things I'm going through besides him, I have come to notice that as much as I love him, if we can't compromise and if any chance we were gonna fight, I wanna be the bigger person. I really love myself a lot more now, and I hope he can see it, and love me for the way I am and all that phases I'm experiencing in life now. Well, again, it's complicating, but you will get it when you're at it.

So.. I'm tired, and I gotta talk to Alcan soon. Syahmi might wake up sooner or later for his guard duty and all. I gotta run now then, just in time huh! :)

Loves~