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trosaa


I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.


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May time heal..
Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's 28th again, another month for us has passed by. Just another 3 months and we could be a 2 year-old couple if we want to. I want to, and I know he does. Yeah, for those same certainty I know we love each other.

But tonight, it's not the monthsary that brings me here. My heart and my mind rush thoughts down to my finger. This is why tonight is different. I have so many things in mind, and for the for the first time I feel afraid to love and be in love. I'm not talking about just Syahmi, but my family, and then yes, my friends... I find myself putting me in the last of the list these days. I have been learning to love myself, and I sure do and am now. But why tonight, I'm asking myself if this is the best part of my life, or it's just another phase..? Or... Who knows, it's the hardest part.

However as I am thinking about this, I know I can pass by this period, this lonely time and this hard time. I am afraid, but I am not afraid to try to not feel afraid. I just realise that I'm growing and things around me are changing. Even my friends are, even my life is... every single thing is. I don't blame nobody, especially God. I am pushing myself to smile and feel blessed as I am.

Time is all I need. Maybe just tonight is the wrong time, without the right people by my side. But time is always there, time never stop.. Soooo.. Hopefully by tomorrow when I open my eyes the first thing in the morning, I will be healed.. And then a miracle for a day will happen?


xoxo