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trosaa


I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.


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Do I know me?
Wednesday, May 26, 2010

All these whiles, I thought I've always known me best, better than anyone who sees through me. But I think just at this period in my life, I realised that I do not know me at all - maybe just a bit, but I am still learning myself. Like I've mentioned, I have been affected very greatly by all the changes in my life. I am going to walk into being 18th with a mind that is growing, with a mindset that I will be an adult, but obviously I am dwelling over a lot of things that happen around me.

Now that Mom's marriage is over, she's enjoying her honeymoon time with my new Dad. And I will be moving to Australia sometime soon next year or the after. Because of that, I had an arguement with my mom regarding my studies and my stay in Singapore. Plus, I am loving my so-called 'job' in helping Monica. Anddd... all of that add up together, and yes, not forgetting Syahmi and my life as a teenager, yes, all of that add up and wear me out with what life brings me. I am exhausted in the mind, and physically too. I love challenges, yes I do. But why am I feeling so caged? I am feeling trapped. I am tired just by thinking what tomorrow will bring, and along the way, I think I've lost my way.

However, losing myself is not a bad thing because Alcan said "sometimes you gotta lose yourself before finding yourself". I can't disagree much from it, but truthfully the process is tiring me down. I want to escape all these problems. I really do. I need a break from myself, and let go of my expectations. :(

And yes, I just finished reading a new book I bought the other day, The Wedding Diaries by Linda Francis Lee and I fell in love with the book. What it woke me up was something in the book which makes a lot of sense. It noted something as 'You gotta realise yourself and find yourself before knowing the potential of who you can become'. I forgot the exact words, but either way, it's been stuck in my head because I am so lost at this moment.


But don't worry, I won't go back to the drinking track. Even if I drink tonight, I know my limits.

So may God bless me then.

xoxo