trosaa
I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.
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What was I?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
First, this is gonna be a really random post because I don't know why I feel like writing for a lil bit so yeah.. I'm sort of reminiscing of my past right now I guess. I've thinking of how fast time fly.. I'm not gonna sit here and dread for my 18th birthday (Okay actually I do, a bit - okay maybe a bit more than that - hehs), but I'm speaking of what I've become today, so the birthday thing is not the point at all. So...... First being a Fajarian, and then moving on to wanting to be in a Perth college, and then back to Vietnam for a year for Grade 11 in American Pacific University, and lastly, back to Singapore, Mass Communications student of MDIS. All of that might not sound or seem crazy to you, but hell no, to me it was a ride, it was really a series of dramas, shits and ups and all that you can imagine of. And guess what? Now I'm an Advanced Diploma student - just being 17th! And then helping out Monica in interior design area. Seriously, right now, I'm feeling like a heroine to myself. Although there are times I felt like shit, useless and worthless, but again, I am still surviving. The world outside my door still goes on even at my low times, and I've come to learn that yes, even if the next minute I'm going to break down and cry, time will never stop for me to get up. Time goes on because it is the reason why I am getting up again. I've been torn. Others, and including myself - patched up the pieces, and healed the wounds. Yet, I cannot escape being torn again, over and over again. Everybody knows that. There's no guarantee that you won't get hurt again after being healed. That explains my late depression regarding my personal problems: gaining weight, and other other other stuff. See, just for the fun of it, I tried to vomit after meals. Yes, when I said it was just for the fun of it, but I was screwed for bulimia. I was desperate to lose weight, and I was depressed comparing to my old self to my current one. I finally realise that yes, I'm a fucking media victim and I am trapped in my 'ideal' world and I cannot come out of it. I know it, and I will not deny what I want for my life. It sounds real plastic, but well, sadly I am just whining over the matter of my fantasy. However, do not just judge me from it. Because of all these self-realisation, I really really know how to take care of myself in a better way now (except for the spending part - especially on shoes and accessories and generally SHOPPING! - which again is another problem that I think I'm stuck with!). But let's not go there today, because it is an endless topic to me, because I will just twist my words around denying that I don't shop a lot but I know I do - yeah that sorta thing - it is just like how I used to deny that I was an alcoholic. Hur hur. But now I don't drink as much as last time, not everyday anymore! Hmph. And yes, from that whole gaining weight thing, which affect my whole lifestyle and my behaviour, my attitude towards things, especially my decision-making. It was a hard time. Now, I am taking action of what I promised myself over time which I never once carried out. I'm not feeling good, but at least I'm feeling better. Well I don't know, maybe I'm just not okay. I think I have too much inside. And I'm using this whole stupid gaining weight and wanting to lose weight thing to vent out. Ouh whatever, I don't even know what is wrong with me. Don't worry, maybe I will figure it out soon, and I'll be better some other day I guess.. I guess today is just one of those bad days. Who I was doesn't affect who I am today, but yes, I'm definitely scarred from my past. It still hits me, in every fucking aspect. Yes, screw me, sue me, whatever it is.. I will just wait for the day that I will wake up and feel like a million bucks! Hopefully tomorrow! Bye! xx
About Me
Rosa Trinh Thu Raz.
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11/09/1992
Vietnamese-Filipino-Spanish
coffee&cigarettes
media&social
photography&arts
materialistic
sports&travels
fashions&dress-ups
fats&bones&skins
sometimes bipolar
What was I?
Thursday, August 26, 2010
First, this is gonna be a really random post because I don't know why I feel like writing for a lil bit so yeah.. I'm sort of reminiscing of my past right now I guess. I've thinking of how fast time fly.. I'm not gonna sit here and dread for my 18th birthday (Okay actually I do, a bit - okay maybe a bit more than that - hehs), but I'm speaking of what I've become today, so the birthday thing is not the point at all. So...... First being a Fajarian, and then moving on to wanting to be in a Perth college, and then back to Vietnam for a year for Grade 11 in American Pacific University, and lastly, back to Singapore, Mass Communications student of MDIS. All of that might not sound or seem crazy to you, but hell no, to me it was a ride, it was really a series of dramas, shits and ups and all that you can imagine of. And guess what? Now I'm an Advanced Diploma student - just being 17th! And then helping out Monica in interior design area. Seriously, right now, I'm feeling like a heroine to myself. Although there are times I felt like shit, useless and worthless, but again, I am still surviving. The world outside my door still goes on even at my low times, and I've come to learn that yes, even if the next minute I'm going to break down and cry, time will never stop for me to get up. Time goes on because it is the reason why I am getting up again. I've been torn. Others, and including myself - patched up the pieces, and healed the wounds. Yet, I cannot escape being torn again, over and over again. Everybody knows that. There's no guarantee that you won't get hurt again after being healed. That explains my late depression regarding my personal problems: gaining weight, and other other other stuff. See, just for the fun of it, I tried to vomit after meals. Yes, when I said it was just for the fun of it, but I was screwed for bulimia. I was desperate to lose weight, and I was depressed comparing to my old self to my current one. I finally realise that yes, I'm a fucking media victim and I am trapped in my 'ideal' world and I cannot come out of it. I know it, and I will not deny what I want for my life. It sounds real plastic, but well, sadly I am just whining over the matter of my fantasy. However, do not just judge me from it. Because of all these self-realisation, I really really know how to take care of myself in a better way now (except for the spending part - especially on shoes and accessories and generally SHOPPING! - which again is another problem that I think I'm stuck with!). But let's not go there today, because it is an endless topic to me, because I will just twist my words around denying that I don't shop a lot but I know I do - yeah that sorta thing - it is just like how I used to deny that I was an alcoholic. Hur hur. But now I don't drink as much as last time, not everyday anymore! Hmph. And yes, from that whole gaining weight thing, which affect my whole lifestyle and my behaviour, my attitude towards things, especially my decision-making. It was a hard time. Now, I am taking action of what I promised myself over time which I never once carried out. I'm not feeling good, but at least I'm feeling better. Well I don't know, maybe I'm just not okay. I think I have too much inside. And I'm using this whole stupid gaining weight and wanting to lose weight thing to vent out. Ouh whatever, I don't even know what is wrong with me. Don't worry, maybe I will figure it out soon, and I'll be better some other day I guess.. I guess today is just one of those bad days. Who I was doesn't affect who I am today, but yes, I'm definitely scarred from my past. It still hits me, in every fucking aspect. Yes, screw me, sue me, whatever it is.. I will just wait for the day that I will wake up and feel like a million bucks! Hopefully tomorrow! Bye! xx
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