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trosaa


I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.


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How changes make you..
Friday, December 17, 2010

It strikes me that 2010 is coming to an end and how much things have been changed, and still changing. From day 1 of the year, to the day my Mom re-married to Norm, to me turning 18 and becoming someone that I am shocked at. I'm amused at all these changes. From every aspects of life and my own doings, things are just inevitable and unpredictable in life. To explain this experience, I can't barely describe in words. I just need to jot down how they have made me today, right now at this hour, 5:50am in the morning, blogging about what's bringing me next.

Truth is, I don't really know. I have come to realise that I only miss being loved when it's at night, when I'm all alone by myself in this sad room, listening to different genres of music on different nights (depending on my mood). Today is my low night, and then I think of Syahmi. Or no, even on my good nights, before I sleep, he'd be the one thing I miss. However when the sun goes up, he's locked at this corner on my mind, and all I want is to live, to see the world. Then yes, now I am becoming selfish. I am becoming different because of these changes, the phases in life.. Again you see, I'm not the only who's drifting with the flow, he too has gone with life, and everyone around me does to.

I know it's okay not to be okay so maybe only all I can say is, the more I try, the less it's working for me. So in the end of the day, people give you different "three words" like: I Love You, I Miss You, What Is Wrong?, or I Am Sorry, or even Please Forgive Me..

But now.. I give life my 3 words: I Don't Know.