trosaa
I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.
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Is this how it feels like?
Monday, October 4, 2010
After 2 years and 3 months, I finally question myself seriously, of the way I feel, whether if this is the end, for good. I know there are times I asked what I was doing here for, where this was going to. However not this time, this time it cuts me like a knife, it hits me like a tight slap on my face, and he's not around, proving me wrong like he used to. At this point, I'm pretty sure of what reasons I have to walk away from this. I am very sure I can do it, if I have the strength to. Sadly, I really don't. Sadly I want to save the troubles for us both, to put an end to my suffering, and maybe his too. I want to do it, if I really have the strength, and the will. But God, really I have nothing left to hold on. I can't sit still, I can't think straight, I can't do nothing because it's hurting me so badly. I know what kind of person I am. I am always afraid of making my decision, because I am the type who thinks too much, the type who's afraid that this one decision will backstab me right on. And also, I'm the type who demands for too much, the type who's envy of what other girls have when their boyfriends do sweet things. I'm worse than what I am, and now I realise this is the one reason that affect this journey I am in. Yes, this is me. This is me, wanting that attention from you. This is me wanting everybody in this world to know that you love me, wanting to be 'your girlfriend'. I used to think it this way. A: Who is he? B: He's Rosa's boyfriend, the lad whom she always talks about. and .. C: Who is she? D: Errr.. That's what this is about, it could be too harsh for me to take it, but it's the reality after all. Nobody knows who you are in my life. But they know what I am to you, even they don't know your existence. Last time, when things were right, when things were still butterflies in my stomach, you'd never fail to come back, showing me the right way, and that we will be okay. Now, you know things are wrong, but where are you now, even? I know I am very tired of making myself feeling better. I am very tired of appearing that I am okay, and tired of waiting for you to come back around, but I know I have no choice but to wait till you question this too. I cannot take this anymore.. I am half ready now. Half ready to let go.. to save me from myself.
About Me
Rosa Trinh Thu Raz.
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11/09/1992
Vietnamese-Filipino-Spanish
coffee&cigarettes
media&social
photography&arts
materialistic
sports&travels
fashions&dress-ups
fats&bones&skins
sometimes bipolar
Is this how it feels like?
Monday, October 4, 2010
After 2 years and 3 months, I finally question myself seriously, of the way I feel, whether if this is the end, for good. I know there are times I asked what I was doing here for, where this was going to. However not this time, this time it cuts me like a knife, it hits me like a tight slap on my face, and he's not around, proving me wrong like he used to. At this point, I'm pretty sure of what reasons I have to walk away from this. I am very sure I can do it, if I have the strength to. Sadly, I really don't. Sadly I want to save the troubles for us both, to put an end to my suffering, and maybe his too. I want to do it, if I really have the strength, and the will. But God, really I have nothing left to hold on. I can't sit still, I can't think straight, I can't do nothing because it's hurting me so badly. I know what kind of person I am. I am always afraid of making my decision, because I am the type who thinks too much, the type who's afraid that this one decision will backstab me right on. And also, I'm the type who demands for too much, the type who's envy of what other girls have when their boyfriends do sweet things. I'm worse than what I am, and now I realise this is the one reason that affect this journey I am in. Yes, this is me. This is me, wanting that attention from you. This is me wanting everybody in this world to know that you love me, wanting to be 'your girlfriend'. I used to think it this way. A: Who is he? B: He's Rosa's boyfriend, the lad whom she always talks about. and .. C: Who is she? D: Errr.. That's what this is about, it could be too harsh for me to take it, but it's the reality after all. Nobody knows who you are in my life. But they know what I am to you, even they don't know your existence. Last time, when things were right, when things were still butterflies in my stomach, you'd never fail to come back, showing me the right way, and that we will be okay. Now, you know things are wrong, but where are you now, even? I know I am very tired of making myself feeling better. I am very tired of appearing that I am okay, and tired of waiting for you to come back around, but I know I have no choice but to wait till you question this too. I cannot take this anymore.. I am half ready now. Half ready to let go.. to save me from myself.
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