Thursday, September 2, 2010
After almost 3 years of getting to know him, falling for him and being with him, I realised so many things have changed. I got lost in my own emotions when I found myself reading back the mails, the entries and the things he used to send for me, and I read back the things that we did, what we've gone through and all that.
I do admit whenever I do that - yeah, I did it couples of times, when I'm just upset, I'd open up the past and indulge myself) - I allow myself to build this wall between the Old and the New. And I would lock myself in the memories of the Old and I start comparing it to the New, the current one. I feel like shit every single time I read up my old stuff. It's a sad bad habbit, but I cannot help it too. Moreover, I just cannot accept the facts that we aren't the same anymore. No more old yearnings and longings - according to the Old. However, I think now it's more of getting rid of each other - according to the New. Screw my life!
Argh fuck whatever. I'm just lost whenever I think about it. Only I wish, one in awhile, the Old would come back, cos it felt so much better when we first started out.
sad but true.......
