Last week of 2011!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Six months ago I was here, telling myself I'd come back here after another six to end the year in a good note. However, today I decided to write but yet with quite a heavy heart. Obviously I'm not too thrilled or happy at this current moment. There are plenty of things on my mind about plenty of things in my life. I cannot believe another year is nearing to its end. Another journey is closing up to finishing life, and opening up to a new chapter.
Something tells me next year will be harder than this year, and something tells me I might not be a same person anymore.
Just now when I was on the phone with Mommy for a good 20 minutes, my heart sank when she mentioned about her talk with Rose. It broke my heart from deep down inside, although my facade was all anger and irritation. When mom said the things that Rose spoke to mom about, it hit me and I started wondering: "What if I become one of those girls whose family members are just drifting apart? And what if my relationship with Rose will never be the same, and we will end up like how movies show whereas we don't talk anymore?"
It's so sad. I've packed my bag for my Jakarta trip tomorrow with excitement to attend a wedding. I was gonna go to another country to witness a new beginning of someone's lives becoming as one, and I was gonna celebrate a new year with all my friends with so much anticipation. Yet right now, tonight, the last night in Singapore of 2011, something about today and tonight makes me feel so deep in my thought. I'm wondering if this is the hormones acting, but then whether it's the hormones or not, I really wish tomorrow when I'm on the jet, I can leave these scars back in Singapore and when I return next year, this place will welcome me with a fresh start.
I sincerely hope my life will not hit its wall where there aren't no directions or way out. I want to make the best out of this and I really don't want to give it up. I might not be good as everything, but I know what I'm best at when I see it and I'm realizing that I've not found it yet. Maybe my new year resolution should be a search towards finding my best passion at heart. It's not that I'm not passionate about life or about anything I do, but I think it's time for me to know what I really want for myself, for my life, and for the people all around me. I've been lost for the past years, and this year didn't prove any much better that I've found my way. I'm pretty much still lost and unsure of what I want. Hence, it's time for me to start asking myself if I'm ready to face the real challenge in life to find whatever I'm searching for.
Wish me luck and I'll be back soon!
Happy New Year to all in advance, in case I miss the big day. Spread love all around.
xoxo
