trosaa
I have stopped doing this.
But when I do,
I will write as I will.
I will write as I love.
And I will do as I live.
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Wake me up when September ends, yup.. it's October now
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I used to love my Septembers, my birthday month for the year. And there is always something about September that I love. But not anymore, since I started growing up. In fact maybe it has nothing to do with the month itself, it's just me and my neurotic thinking and assumptions.
Last year, exact same time, September to October was one of the lowest point in my life. (In fact, lemme correct myself, I think for most all of the time I blog here, I declare myself a victim and yea, you get the idea - basically, every time I do end up here, I am either sad, depressed, helpless, hurt and all things negative and self-destructive.) Anyway, coming back to the last year and this year same exact time topic, I reckon the ride has not slowed down even though when I started to believe perhaps things were looking up slowly. (Once and for all, so I can just shut my damn sad mouth that keeps whining and self-doubting and bringing so much pain to everyone else.)
Well first I got a job in Singapore after leaving Sydney, the shot was worth it when I joined Ninemer PR and work pass got approved. However, I can still vividly remember how it happened to me, how I received the news while Syahmi and I were in Vietnam, and what happened in Vietnam that May has impacted my life to a different height. It will be an untold story, and I don't want to go there. But in short, patience did paid off after highs and lows. Yes, real life hits you in the face when you have to grow up and work, for the money and for the future.
After 3 months under probation at Ninemer, which brings me here once again. I'm back to square one. Back to that same point where I search for that hope, that possibility of having a job that I can give my all to, to live it and to make it right. I thought somehow along the road, I would pick up the pace and impress my ex-boss. But sometimes, you just have to let go and open the next door into a new path and adventure of uncertainty - which only lasts for 30 days. It's already 2nd of October, I have 28 more days to find a job, to impress someone new, to prove to them that I am worth more than just this, I am capable of more than what I appear to be.
But the truth is, it is not easy. If I'm lucky, I will get it, and perhaps my pass can get approved, and only then my journey of searching would end, there and then. Yup, it's not easy. I have done it for almost 9 years, for Singapore, for me, for the people I love here, for the familiarity and place I call home. And then I think about it, if as much as I love Singapore, and as much as I want to give it the best and all of me, but if fate does not allow me to this time round, maybe it really is time to just move on, pack up again - just like last year - have another farewell and "I won't see you guys for never, or I don't know when I can come back" episodes.
I'm 21 now. I feel old. I feel 31. I want the things that makes me speed up and run for my life. I force myself to mature but maybe the problem lies in that. Maybe I should just let go just a little, lay back and just stop worry for a moment, clear my mind and then maybe things could just be a little brighter when I am lighter. I know I carry these loads on my shoulders, and I feel heavy for most days. But there have been days that I couldn't ask for more. I am just as confused. That's why I think I have a problem, I kinda thought I needed a shrink, but anyways....~
So yea, the whole point and moral of this is nothing but the same. Patience is virtue.I was more messed-up last year, well this year I am just less messed-up but I am not proud of it either. But I have grown a little more after all. After one freaking year, the turning point is still there for me to wake up and take charge of my life. In the end of the day, there is only so much I can do, and I will do it.. and I will over-do it because it is who I am. But the rest lies in the hands of God and what it beholds for me. The last draw and the light at the end of the tunnel will only shine when I'm reaching there.. and yup, I'm getting there..still holding up and composed. Just keep going. Just keep going.
Have a little faith.I will still go after my dreams, even though they are almost everything in a color splash of art. Still, I will keep going..
Life huh.
About Me
Rosa Trinh Thu Raz.
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11/09/1992
Vietnamese-Filipino-Spanish
coffee&cigarettes
media&social
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sports&travels
fashions&dress-ups
fats&bones&skins
sometimes bipolar
Wake me up when September ends, yup.. it's October now
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
I used to love my Septembers, my birthday month for the year. And there is always something about September that I love. But not anymore, since I started growing up. In fact maybe it has nothing to do with the month itself, it's just me and my neurotic thinking and assumptions.
Last year, exact same time, September to October was one of the lowest point in my life. (In fact, lemme correct myself, I think for most all of the time I blog here, I declare myself a victim and yea, you get the idea - basically, every time I do end up here, I am either sad, depressed, helpless, hurt and all things negative and self-destructive.) Anyway, coming back to the last year and this year same exact time topic, I reckon the ride has not slowed down even though when I started to believe perhaps things were looking up slowly. (Once and for all, so I can just shut my damn sad mouth that keeps whining and self-doubting and bringing so much pain to everyone else.)
Well first I got a job in Singapore after leaving Sydney, the shot was worth it when I joined Ninemer PR and work pass got approved. However, I can still vividly remember how it happened to me, how I received the news while Syahmi and I were in Vietnam, and what happened in Vietnam that May has impacted my life to a different height. It will be an untold story, and I don't want to go there. But in short, patience did paid off after highs and lows. Yes, real life hits you in the face when you have to grow up and work, for the money and for the future.
After 3 months under probation at Ninemer, which brings me here once again. I'm back to square one. Back to that same point where I search for that hope, that possibility of having a job that I can give my all to, to live it and to make it right. I thought somehow along the road, I would pick up the pace and impress my ex-boss. But sometimes, you just have to let go and open the next door into a new path and adventure of uncertainty - which only lasts for 30 days. It's already 2nd of October, I have 28 more days to find a job, to impress someone new, to prove to them that I am worth more than just this, I am capable of more than what I appear to be.
But the truth is, it is not easy. If I'm lucky, I will get it, and perhaps my pass can get approved, and only then my journey of searching would end, there and then. Yup, it's not easy. I have done it for almost 9 years, for Singapore, for me, for the people I love here, for the familiarity and place I call home. And then I think about it, if as much as I love Singapore, and as much as I want to give it the best and all of me, but if fate does not allow me to this time round, maybe it really is time to just move on, pack up again - just like last year - have another farewell and "I won't see you guys for never, or I don't know when I can come back" episodes.
I'm 21 now. I feel old. I feel 31. I want the things that makes me speed up and run for my life. I force myself to mature but maybe the problem lies in that. Maybe I should just let go just a little, lay back and just stop worry for a moment, clear my mind and then maybe things could just be a little brighter when I am lighter. I know I carry these loads on my shoulders, and I feel heavy for most days. But there have been days that I couldn't ask for more. I am just as confused. That's why I think I have a problem, I kinda thought I needed a shrink, but anyways....~
So yea, the whole point and moral of this is nothing but the same. Patience is virtue.I was more messed-up last year, well this year I am just less messed-up but I am not proud of it either. But I have grown a little more after all. After one freaking year, the turning point is still there for me to wake up and take charge of my life. In the end of the day, there is only so much I can do, and I will do it.. and I will over-do it because it is who I am. But the rest lies in the hands of God and what it beholds for me. The last draw and the light at the end of the tunnel will only shine when I'm reaching there.. and yup, I'm getting there..still holding up and composed. Just keep going. Just keep going.
Have a little faith.I will still go after my dreams, even though they are almost everything in a color splash of art. Still, I will keep going..
Life huh.
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